Green Rain

The weatherman predicted this,
the strangest weather seen.
The rain is coming down outside
a grassy shade of green.
He didn't say the weather would be
sleet or snow or fog,
but "light precipitation
with a chance of morning frog."

Falling Asleep in Class

I fell asleep in class today,
as I was awfully bored.
I laid my head upon my desk
and closed my eyes and snored.

I woke to find a piece of paper
sticking to my face.
I'd slobbered on my textbooks
and my hair was a disgrace.

My clothes were badly rumpled
and my eyes were glazed and red.
My binder left a three-ring
indentation in my head.

I slept through class, and probably
I would have slept some more,
except my students woke me
as they headed out the door.

The Cow Town Ballet
This here is the story of Jed Beaudelay,
who once was the head of the Cow Town Ballet,
the greatest of all of the old western sights,
for Jed would take milk cows and dress them in tights.

In tutus and slippers his cows would sashay,
they'd spin pirouettes, they'd glissade and plié.
And cowpokes from Boston to Monterey Bay
would journey to Cow Town to see the ballet.

And every night how his cattle would dance!
They'd act out a musical cattle romance,
with skill and precision, with grace and with flair,
they'd glide 'cross the stage and they'd leap through the air.

And when it was over the cowpokes would cheer
and even the manliest men shed a tear
for nowhere on Earth but the Cow Town Ballet
had anyone ever seen cattle sashay.

Old Jed Beaudelay would still run the ballet,
if not for the fact that when cattle sashay,
and all of their tutus are flapping around
their costumes make sort of a shuffling sound.

And some no-good cowpoke, on hearing that sound,
was rather unhappy; he stopped and he frowned,
then ran to the sheriff, deciding to tattle,
so Jed was arrested for rustling cattle.
 
 

World's Hardest Test

Preparing today for the standardized test
our teacher said there was a lot to digest.
We'd have to divide by the square root of three
and learn to spell zygote, façade and marquis.

We'd need to play xylophone, trumpet and flute,
accordian, banjo, piano and lute,
recite all the capital cities by heart
and learn to take rocketship engines apart.

We'd have to speak Latin, Swahili and Greek,
learn nuclear fusion and fencing technique,
remember the fables of Persia and Rome
and crack all the codes in the human genome.

Then just when we thought that our heads might explode
from learning Chinese or dissecting a toad
she told us the very best thing she could say:
that she was just kidding; it's April Fool's Day.